Wednesday, August 25, 2010

2 1/2 hours!

I will embark on a new adventure tomorrow: Josie starts her second year of preschool.  She is totally pumped and totally excited to go!  I am very happy for her.  But in return, this leaves me with 2 1/2 hours for 4 days a week that I have ALL TO MYSELF!  I am very excited about this!  I will be able to run errands, shop, clean and just hang out at home.  No interruptions, no whining and no needs other than my own.  I can’t wait!

This brings me to think about what will happen a year from now. If Josie starts Kindergarten next year, as planned, I will have everyday to myself with both kids in school.  I am glad I have a year to decide what I want to do.  Do I want to go back to work?  What would I do if I did go back to work?  Do I want to find something part time?  Do I want to just volunteer some time to a local organization?  I still want to be able to be home with the kids after school.  I still want my weekends free to spend with my family and friends.  I haven’t worked for 6 years now.  I don’t even know what I would want to do.  Do I want to work with kids again?  Do I want to go back to school? 

Part of me thinks, maybe I should take some of that time, just to find myself again.  I won’t have to worry about the kids, I can focus on myself and try and find that person I used to be.  Or make the new me a better person.  I need to find happiness in more things.  Some of this I know should not be put off for a year, but I just focus on the kids and making our household run, that I put myself and my needs on the back burner.  Yes, that is probably the role of a mom, but we moms still need to watch out for ourselves.  There is something that is missing in my heart.  I don’t know what it is.  I am down, more than I am happy. I am edgy more than I am laid back.  I used to love more than I do. 

It’s all so crazy and a whole new thing to think about.  I’m glad I have a year to figure it out, but I will start with my 2 1/2 hours of alone time to work on the future me!

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