I will embark on a new adventure tomorrow: Josie starts her second year of preschool. She is totally pumped and totally excited to go! I am very happy for her. But in return, this leaves me with 2 1/2 hours for 4 days a week that I have ALL TO MYSELF! I am very excited about this! I will be able to run errands, shop, clean and just hang out at home. No interruptions, no whining and no needs other than my own. I can’t wait!
This brings me to think about what will happen a year from now. If Josie starts Kindergarten next year, as planned, I will have everyday to myself with both kids in school. I am glad I have a year to decide what I want to do. Do I want to go back to work? What would I do if I did go back to work? Do I want to find something part time? Do I want to just volunteer some time to a local organization? I still want to be able to be home with the kids after school. I still want my weekends free to spend with my family and friends. I haven’t worked for 6 years now. I don’t even know what I would want to do. Do I want to work with kids again? Do I want to go back to school?
Part of me thinks, maybe I should take some of that time, just to find myself again. I won’t have to worry about the kids, I can focus on myself and try and find that person I used to be. Or make the new me a better person. I need to find happiness in more things. Some of this I know should not be put off for a year, but I just focus on the kids and making our household run, that I put myself and my needs on the back burner. Yes, that is probably the role of a mom, but we moms still need to watch out for ourselves. There is something that is missing in my heart. I don’t know what it is. I am down, more than I am happy. I am edgy more than I am laid back. I used to love more than I do.
It’s all so crazy and a whole new thing to think about. I’m glad I have a year to figure it out, but I will start with my 2 1/2 hours of alone time to work on the future me!